Confirmation

Another blood test today and the confirmation came this evening that the hormone level has plummeted, it is now 52.

I wasn't pleased with the way the news was delivered. It was very matter of fact and as if she was just informing me of the next steps in the process. I was told "Your hCG is low, so what we want you to do is stop the drugs"  Did she realise the news she was delivering to me?!

It wasn't a surprise. I put the phone down, took a deep breath, told Hubby who gave me a hug, and then I just got on with what I was doing. The bitter disappointment I feel is hard to describe. It's not just the loss, but how much time, emotion and effort that went into it.

132 Injections, 260 Pills, 63 Pessaries, 24 blood tests, 17 internal scans !

I won't ever regret trying, but it is a lot to put in to get nothing at the end.

Heartbreaking news

My bleeding continued, it was fairly light, but more than spotting. I rushed off to the clinic, another blood test and wait for the results. I got a call about 6pm. My hormone level hCG) has dropped to 178.

It's all over.

They will do another test on Monday to confirm, so I am not to stop the drugs just yet.

I know in my heart this is the end. The strange exhaustion I felt mid week is completely gone. It's so sad to think we came so close and beat all the odds that were against us. To get this far and then lose it. We have no embryos 'spare,' none frozen.

13 embryos, 5 without TCS, 2 survived to implantation day (day 7), one positive pregnancy test, 0 babies :-(

Scared

I've had some bleeding today, I know spotting is a sign of early pregnancy, but I don't feel this is 'spotting' it seems more than that. I called the clinic this evening and they have told me to keep an eye on it. I can come in for another beta next week, perhaps Wednesday.

Another dip in this rollercoaster ...

Beta #2 Test Day

Another blood test and another excruciating wait.

I finally got the call to say that the hormone level has more than doubled. It has gone from 99 to 220! The clinic are happy with this and do not need to see me again until my 7 week scan.  Tears of relief!!! Still a long way to go, but it seems this scare is over.

Beta test day

Went to the clinic to have my blood test. The home pregnancy tests detect the presence of the pregnancy hormone.  The beta blood test measures the amount  I've been given more of the same drugs to continue with, including the horrid intramuscular jab, ugh! And was told I would get a call later.

What a nerve wracking wait. My blood test was 11:30, so by the time 6 pm came around and still no call I was worried I'd been missed. I finally spoke to a doctor about 6:30, and did not get the reassurance I was hoping for. My beta level is 99, they like it to be much higher. They want me to come in to test again in 2 days. The level needs to have doubled by then, or something is wrong.

I think if the level is low because it's just a little bit behind, then all might be OK, but of course we don't know if the level is low because it is decreasing. Only the second test will reveal this.  if it isn't going up, then it's all over. 

Obviously I am very concerned. But I remain hopeful and have to stay positive. Its out of my control, which isn't a nice feeling, and I feel like 3 days have been added to my 2 week wait! 

Appointment 11:30 Wednesday.

  

Home Testing day

Words just can't describe how I feel. I won't even try.

The photo says it all .....

The 2ww is over

Finally, it's Saturday evening and my Two Week Wait ends tomorrow. Many women say this is the hardest part. I wasn't surprised to hear that, and now I have experienced it I can see why. It's a very emotional time and you feel so helpless just 'waiting' for your miracle to happen. The not knowing really challenges your sanity!

The Progesterone jabs in to the muscle didn't help, the sore muscle sensation lasts for days, and of course you have another shot before it has stopped hurting. This didn't help with the sleeping, because as soon as I roll over in bed, it hurts and wakes me up!

Overall I think I've done pretty well. Thursday was difficult, I felt a bit lonely. Hubby worked from home on the Friday so having someone around again made things easier. I'm not working at the moment, which physically is probably a really good thing, I must admit I have felt a bit exhausted at certain times of the day. It is a weird energy less fatigued feeling. Emotionally it would have been good to be working as I'd have to focus on something else and would have been around people more.

I have listened to a relaxing CD as I go to sleep and as I wake up, I've tried to stay as calm and relaxed as possible. I've already cut out alcohol completely and switched to decaff tea and coffee. I have eaten as I normally would, but tried to eat more fruit and never skip breakfast or lunch.

Most importantly I have tried to stay positive and believe that this can happen for me, and we can beat the odds. I have told myself I am pregnant, and hubby has given me three kisses instead of one every single time he has kissed me since we had the embryos implanted.

I have had no symptoms apart from a very slight sensation as if my period is due. That could just be because my uterus wall is really thick and full. I had a very slight queasy feeling whilst eating Friday night and then again at lunchtime today. I know the various drugs can have side effects, but seems a bit late for them to start now. As soon as I felt that slight queasiness I felt so happy as it helped my belief that this might just have worked. Overall though I feel very normal.

We have bought two home pregnancy tests. Hubby has hidden them so I don't have to struggle to fight temptation to test before tomorrow. I now feel very nervous ......

Progesterone Check

After a very chilled day at home yesterday doing very little. Trying to be relaxed and calm (it's going to be a very long 2 weeks!), I went back to the clinic yesterday for a blood test to check Progesterone levels. Waited 1 hour 15 minutes after my appointment time before I was seen, and was in and out in about 2 minutes. Back home again straight after as I'm supposed to be taking it easy after ET.

I got a call from the hospital saying my progesterone levels were a little below 75. They would like it to be 100 (Although 75 would be the level for a normal pregnancy at this stage). I had to go back in today to collect more medication.

They have added a Progesterone tablet three times a day and another injection every other day. This one has to go into the muscle. The injection itself isn't so bad, but the ache a few hours afterwards is quite unpleasant. Feels like I have cramp! Poor husband is going to have to do this for me as injecting in the upper bum muscle is kinda hard to reach yourself!

Long needles, and yes it has to go all the way in!

I have to confess to a wobble today. It was late, I was tired, my bum was very sore, and I was struggling to get the clexane injection needle in. (They are wider, and it seems harder and more painful to penetrate the skin). There were tears. I'd had enough. A cup of tea from Hubby, and straight to bed soon sorted that. I've told myself off, and I will not do it again!

My drug regime now:

ET Day - Attempt 2

This really is it! Arrived in plenty of time for my appointment and a full bladder, and was taken straight down to the ward. Back in the same bay as my third Egg Collection, changed into the attractive gown and waited, fighting the urge to run to the toilet ;)

A nurse called me for a quick scan, just to check my bladder was full. The reason they want a full bladder is because it presses down on the uterus and flattens it, making the direction much easier for inserting the tube.

Soon after we were visited by the chief embryologist, the same guy we saw yesterday. He said that waiting was definitely the right thing to do, because 3 embryos have stopped developing. My heart sank, rapidly. I wasn't prepared for that news.

So ... this is our only shot. The remaining two will be transferred, and all our hopes are pinned on them. As our chances are quite low, the risk of twins is extremely low, so using two is not an issue and will give us the best chances. The two being transferred are both frozen ones from our first cycle.

Having had the dummy transfer already, everything was as I expected, just a little slower as they were dealing with the embryos this time, so were extremely careful. We got to watch on the screen as the tube entered my uterus. Although the embryos are too small to see, they put an air bubble in the tube behind them so they can see where they are.

In the attached scan you can see the air bubbles.

And then it was all over, I got a bit emotional, and was wheeled back to the ward and told to lay down for a further 20 mins. I then made a dash to the toilet once the 20 minutes were up and had a cup of tea before getting ready to take 'Squirt' and 'Squidge' home.

One of the embryologist showed us the sticks that the embryos were frozen on. they are literally placed on the end of the green sticks in this picture:

Now I enter the dreaded 2ww (Two week wait) I need to do a home pregnancy test on Sunday October 14th and go to the clinic for a blood test Monday 15th if it is positive. This will test the hCG levels (Human chorionic gonadotropin).

Apart from a blood test (8 days after Egg Collection) on Tuesday, there's nothing left for me to do apart from take drugs and wait!

ET DAY!

I'll keep this post short as it was a very non-eventful day in the end. We got to the clinic at 10:15, and we were basically sent home again.

They feel that tomorrow they will have a better idea of which embryo(s) to transfer. They'd like to see them develop a little further to be able to make a better decision.

Reading between the lines I think the embryos have not developed as hoped. Trying not to worry .....

Back tomorrow at 10:30

Friday 28th - Big news

I phoned and spoke to a nurse today, I seem to be reacting badly to the Crinone Gel. I've probably put up with the discomfort longer than I should have done. Looks like it's a side effect rather than something that is expected. The clinic faxed a prescription of an alternative Progesterone drug (Cyclogest) to my local pharmacy which I picked up to start using this evening. I hope the soreness wears off quickly. Very unpleasant!!

As we drove away from the pharmacy we then got the all important phonecall....

We have FIVE Embryos from our 13 which do not have Treacher Collins Syndrome. Hmmm so much for 50-50 odds, but hey, what a result! I was so scared the call would tell us they all had it. There were tears of joy, but got myself under control very quickly after Hubby reminded me there's still a heck of a hill to climb yet!

We have a chance!! ET tomorrow 10:30

Biopsy Day

We got a call yesterday to say we had 4 top quality and 3 good quality!

Today we had some good news, given that we are against the odds because we can lose embryos at each stage, we had our 7 'frosties' thawed, and only 1 has not survived. So add this to our 7 fresh ones, we have 13 to be biopsied.

I was so pleased when they told me that they were able to biopsy all 13 embryos, and all had survived. So tomorrow is the big day for PGD testing. Should hear Saturday, there's a small chance we might hear late in the day Friday.

Tomorrow is going to be tough!!!

Hubby knew I was feeling a bit 'lost' yesterday. Its a weird feeling, waiting for phonecalls with such important news and knowing the fate of your little embryos are in the hands of others. He arrived home with a lovely bunch of roses. :)

Cycle 3 - Fertilisation results

Of my 12 eggs:

1 wasn't fully developed
1 didn't not survive the ICSI injection
7 fertilised !!
3 have not fertilised

We will get a call tomorrow to tell us the quality, the biopsies will be done on Thursday along with our frozen ones (depending how how survive thawing, there will be up to 7 of those)

The PGD test will be done Friday, we are likely to find out the results on Saturday.

I'm so pleased we have a good number this cycle, as it helps our odds, and also as there is a risk that 3 day old embryos will not survive thawing (15%) it's better to have out larger number in this last fresh cycle.

Today I started the tablets (Progynova) and Clexane injections. Oh well at least my poor tummy had a break for 2 days !!

Egg Collection 24th Sept

I'm gobsmacked! They collected 12 eggs! Turned out there were 12 follicles, and all of them contained an egg. This good number has to improve our odds, so I'm really pleased. Of course we now need to see how many fertilise. Last time it was 50%. Hoping better this time. But at least of it is 50%, then we'll still have the 10 we need.

This Egg collection was fine, like the second one. Went to theatre a little early. Was back in ward about 30 mins later, and walking out just over an hour after that after a much welcomed cuppa and custard creme biscuits !!

Another drug regime now starts ....

• Crinone Gel (progesterone) morning and night (vaginally - lovely!)
• Progynova (oestrogen) tablet three times a day,
• 75mg Asprin in the evening
• Clexane (blood thinning) injection in the evening.

Waiting for that all important phonecall ...

Cycle 3 - Last scan

We went for our scan and blood test yesterday, and have gained a follicle. We now have 10! I think the sizes are getting close to what they need to do Egg Collection, so they called us in for another scan today. They weren't quite big enough so they've asked us to go in again tomorrow!

I think they then felt sorry for me, and phoned me later saying don't worry about a scan tomorrow, Egg Collection will be Monday regardless. Do Trigger shot 9 PM tomorrow (Saturday) then come in at 9am Monday 24th for Egg Collection.

Pleased with that :)

Sick!

Felt very nauseous again this morning, and was actually sick twice :-(. Felt fine for the rest of the day though. I am on a different drug this time, but would not have thought it would be that different. No such side effects in previous cycles.

Better news

Scan today showed 9 follicles. Seems the 'Dinky' ones caught up. The doc remembered the word! :-) Very pleased about this. We really need as many as possible. Looking back at last cycle we had 8 collected, only 4 fertilised.

I laid out my drugs ready to do. This lot is just for ONE evening!!

Cycle 3 - First Scan

First scan today since baseline scan. I felt extremely nauseous this morning, about 15 minutes before we were due to leave. Luckily it eased off else I'd not have been able to leave on time!

Scan showed 5 follicles. 3 on left, 2 on right. I was disappointed, really hoped for more, especially as often the number of eggs retrieved is lower then the follicle count. We need as many as possible!!

Hubby taught the doctor a new word ... "Dinky"! She thought it was great and hadn't heard of it before :)

Still, think positive, early days yet!

Cycle 3 begins

As I predicted, AF arrived yesterday so I had my baseline scan today. All is ok, and I start the drugs tonight. Protocol slightly different this time. Merional instead of Menopur, and instead of 225 & 225 split, I'll be taking 300 Merional and 150 Gonal F

Cetrotide will start later, at least after Cycle Day 7 and Zomacton growth hormone starts tonight and then alternate days.

The Strange thing about Merional is it comes as a powder vial and solution (just like menopur) but rather than mix up a batch and use it over 2-3 days, I need to mix 4 just to get enough to make up my 300 because it comes in such small quantities.

And we're off ...!

Dummy transfer and 3D SIS

This was one appointment I wasn't looking forward to. Supposed to be the most invasive, "uncomfortable" procedure in IVF.

3D SIS:

3D saline infusion sonography (SIS) is done in the CRGH and involves an ultrasound scan whilst a small amount of saline is injected into the womb. Using the scan machine, the outline of the womb can be determined. A hysteroscopy involves putting a small scope into the womb to see if it is normal.

I was pleased that we were seen fairly close to our appointment time and not left to get anxious. I was told to turn up with a full bladder. I'd had a tea at home, some water, a coffee at the station, a glass of water with lunch, and a glass of water in the waiting room. I'd not been to the toilet since 10am. A quick scan revealed that my bladder "wasn't very full". Blimey, how much more should I have had!? It was good enough and they went ahead with the dummy embryo transfer. This was ok, a little uncomfortable, but only because they use a speculum. So it's no worse than a smear test.

I was then told to go to the toilet, and was back for the second part: 3D SIS. The doctor warned me I will probably experience some pain. I did! It was like bad period pain, but was over quite quickly. The pain only occurred at the end as the jelly like saline was pumped in. The pain is caused by the pressure. The scan revealed everything was ok. No issues or concerns. <relief>

I was given some antibiotics and told not to bath or swim, I was also given Norethisterone ready to take on 23rd August and told all the other drugs would be sent by Healthcare at Home as usual.